Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing
golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other,
"Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the
third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
SPEEDING ALONG
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch
speeding drivers, a State Police officer sees a car
puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself,
"This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So
he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices
that there are five old ladies --- two in the front
seat and three in the back---eyes wide, and white as
ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to
him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly
the speed limit! What
seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding,
but you should know that driving slower than the speed
limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. "No sir, I
was doing the speed limit exactly---twenty-two miles
an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle,
explains to her that "22" was the route number, not
the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the
officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am," said the officer,
"I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These
women seem awfully shaken and they
haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We
just got off Route 119... "
SENIOR MOMENTS II
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week to play cards. One day they
were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been
friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of
your name! I've thought and thought, but
I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name
is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes
she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said,
"How soon do you need to know?
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -
both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were
cruising along, they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I
must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went
through a red light". After a few more minutes, they
came to another intersection and the light was red
again. Again, they went right through. The woman in
the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had
been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay
very close attention to the road and the next
intersection. At the next intersection, sure
enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred,
did you know that we just ran through three
red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh dear, am I
driving?"
SEE.NILE
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house
together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down
the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up
and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then,
she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92
year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea,
listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good
measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both
of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his
car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the
news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
